What is my attachment style?

You may have heard the term attachment style and wondered what that has to do with your
relationship.

Attachment styles are developed in early childhood based on your relationship and interactions with your primary caregiver(s). As an adult our attachment style describes how we feel in our closest relationships, usually with a romantic partner.

If your primary caregiver was consistently attentive and attuned to your emotional cues and
physical needs you would develop a secure attachment style because you felt secure in that
relationship. On the other hand, if your primary caregiver was unable to consistently attune to
your emotional or social cues and your physical needs you might have developed a fear of
abandonment, which would reflect an anxious attachment.

Maybe your primary caregiver was overbearing, unpredictable, or interfered with your autonomy,
and to cope with this you developed a need for more space. As an adult, you may feel
uncomfortable with emotions and conflict, and have difficulty expressing needs and wants. This
would be described as an avoidant attachment.

There are also those that alternate between anxious and avoidant attachment and have a tendency toward emotional extremes and are prone to high conflict relationships. This is called anxious-avoidant attachment.

Most people will have a primary attachment style, but it is also common to exhibit traits from the other styles at times.

Having a secure attachment style is helpful in developing healthy relationships where one is able to handle and resolve conflict, express needs well, trust your partner, and feel fulfilled and satisfied in your relationship.

If you don’t have a secure attachment, it is possible to become more secure by adopting new beliefs and behaviors. Healthy relationships are a balance of intimacy and independence, and is based on trust and commitment. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t identify as having a secure relationship! It is possible to increase your emotional awareness and respond in different ways.

Individual and/or couples therapy can be very helpful for learning and practicing these skills as well as better understanding emotions and letting go of limiting beliefs that were developed in childhood.

Investing in yourself and your relationship is life-changing!


Want to learn more or need help with strengthening your attachment style or relationship? Schedule a free consultation today!