How does someone’s birth become a trauma?

Most individuals, when they find out they are expecting, have an idea of how that will go. They have thoughts about whether they will deliver vaginally or via c-section. They have thoughts about who will be in the room and who will be allowed to visit in the hospital. They have thoughts about what they will do for pain. They do not, typically, have initial thoughts of birth trauma.

So, what happens when your birth doesn’t follow that plan?

Often, births deviate greatly from what individuals expect. Sometimes, that is okay and parents are able to adjust accordingly. A vaginal birth that turns into a c-section is manageable because the baby is okay. Having an epidural when you wanted unmedicated is okay because there was less pain.

But what happens when it deviates, and it is not okay? What happens when your baby was born 6 weeks early and is in the NICU? What happens when your vaginal birth turns into an emergency c-section? What happens if you are just no okay with the deviations even if your birth went well on paper?

Too often do women wind up thinking that their births were traumatic in some way. This, like any trauma, is in the eyes of the beholder. Someone could deliver vaginally, have a perfectly healthy baby and easy recovery, and still think their birth was traumatic. That is valid. Sometimes individuals are traumatized just by not feeling heard during their delivery. Also, valid. Sometimes individuals have a very obvious trauma during their birth. Again, totally valid.

So, what happens when your birth becomes a trauma?

Birth trauma can sometimes lead to folks having a more difficult time connecting with their baby because it reminds them of the trauma they went through to give birth to that tiny human. Sometimes it can lead to birthdays being difficult because that a happy celebration, called birthdays, on the anniversary of their trauma. Sometimes it leads to individuals not wanting anymore children because they are afraid it will happen again. And sometimes it can lead to having difficulty being intimate with their partner.

How do we help with this?

First, know that you are not alone. About 80% of people report their births being traumatic. That, however, does not make it okay or something you just have to power through. Therapy, specifically EMDR or Brainspotting type modalities, can be very useful in lowering or even eliminating symptoms. You don’t have to live your life with your birth story being this big scary thing that you never want to think about. You deserve a space to talk about it, process it, and get to a place where you feel okay again.

If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma, reach out to us today. We offer complimentary consultations to talk through what is going on and what could be helpful, even it isn’t our clinic. You deserve to be healed. It is possible.